Moving out of our comfort zones: What are we REALLY afraid of?
We all like our comfort zones. These are situations and habits that we have grown accustomed to, whether it be in work, social groups, family or day to day routine. Humans, however, also usually want to better themselves or their lives, whether that means earning more money, losing or gaining weight, achieving a goal, moving to a nicer house etc. The problem arises in the gap between where we are and actually taking the steps to get to where we would like to be. In my experience, there are too many adults walking around with unlived dreams in their hearts. Dwelling on these dreams and doing nothing to make them a reality can lead to regret and feelings of being cheated by life. Sometimes there are very good reasons why we choose not to follow a particular dream, but usually it is because we prefer our safe, familiar, and yes sometimes, disappointing lives to setting our sights too high and risking failure.
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Tips for when teenagers procrastinate
Procrastination. We have all been guilty of it at some time or another, not doing today what can be put off until tomorrow. Procrastination is fine once in a while, but it can become a problem. I’ve seen this occur with many teenagers who postpone timelines and study plans and as a result find themselves in highly stressful situations at exam time. Many delay focusing on their goals by getting sidetracked by texting, facebook, friends, the TV, a short attention span or just hanging out. Procrastination in the form of postponement of study plans can stem from feelings of low self-worth or a feeling of not being good enough. A fear of failure; a belief that talent and success is instantaneous; being unrealistic about goals and about what is required to achieve them can all hinder a teen. So what can be done?
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Past and future life dreams
The psychologist Carl Jung wrote that ‘the greatest damage to the child is the unlived life of the parents’.
On countless occasions, I have met adults who speak of their childhood dreams of becoming primary teachers, midwives, engineers, architects, artists and so on. During coaching sessions many people in their mid-thirties and forties talk about their dreams to connect with children, deliver babies, create art, write poetry or to create something lasting like a bridge or a building. A renewed energy, pride, confidence and personal satisfaction returns to their lives when they revisit and live out their original dreams. Re-visiting dreams in life can require a lot of life changes and upheaval but it leads to a contented and rich life. All too often, we place our own unfulfilled dreams upon our children.
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